


wait for the dust to settle down around us

by guycecil



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2639969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guycecil/pseuds/guycecil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all a misunderstanding, really. I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wait for the dust to settle down around us

**Author's Note:**

> I had a really bad night last night so. Didn't proofread, written really fast, probably doesn't make much sense. Have fun! Title from "Dreaming" by Smallpools.

Shinpachi knows. He can feel it, the same way he can feel the pounding at the back of his head, the way he can feel the vibrations of Kagura’s feet tapping against the floor, the way he can feel the bile rising up in his throat every time he hears a voice drift through the door. He closes his eyes and tries to pretend he’s somewhere else. Anywhere else. 

Gin-san’s finally clean floors are a mess again, blood staining the wood, but Shinpachi can’t make himself get up to clean it. He feels frozen, glued to the couch. If he just stays here, if he doesn’t move, then maybe time won’t move, either, and maybe somehow that will fix things. Maybe that will give them what they need to… to _fix_ it, to…

And _damn_ it, his glasses are wet again, and he rips them off, the motion too harsh for the quiet of the room. He can feel Kagura watching him, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s retreated into herself, fear hunching her shoulders and driving her feet to tap against the floor with that incredibly irritating rhythm.

There’s a shout from the other room, and it takes all of Shinpachi’s willpower not to turn. If he doesn’t look, then it’s not real. If he can’t see it, can’t hear it, then it can’t be true. There’s still time, he just has to stay still and the world will fix itself.

On the other couch, Kagura finally gives up her tapping and pulls her knees into her chest, letting out a quiet sob. Shinpachi knows he should go to her but he _can’t_ , if he moves then—

The door opens, only to slam shut again a moment later. Another shout.

Everything falls silent. Shinpachi can feel himself shaking and wills himself to stop. No movement. It’ll be fine. Calm down. Maa, stop worrying, Shinpachi-kun, you’ll get wrinkles…

He closes his eyes half a second before the door behind him opens again and he hears footsteps on the floor. He can’t open them, can’t turn around, can’t look, can’t do anything, there’s still a chance—

“Zura!” Kagura says, startling Shinpachi’s eyes open in time to see her shoot off the couch, eyes wide. “What’s going on?”

Don’t move. Just. Stay still.

Katsura doesn’t speak. Shinpachi shakes a little bit harder.

“Zura?” Kagura repeats quietly.

There is a quiet exhale behind Shinpachi. “It’s not Zura,” the samurai says quietly. “It’s Katsura.”

Shinpachi closes his eyes again, and only now does he allow himself to slump forward, head falling into his hands, shaking even harder than before.

Kagura lets out a single, breathless laugh. “He’s okay!” she says, and rushes forward.

But Katsura catches her by the wrist before she can try to push past him into the room beyond. “Don’t go in there,” he snaps.

“I just wanna see him!” Kagura whines. “Zuraaa—”

“It’s not Zura!” Katsura growls. “Stay out!”

“Why can’t I go in, huh?” Shinpachi doesn’t have to look to know that Kagura has her arms crossed over her chest, frowning and pouting and glaring all at once. “I won’t wake him up, I just wanna look!”

“Leader, please just listen to me.”

There is a note to Katsura’s voice that calms the tremors in Shinpachi’s body without him even noticing. The two continue to bicker, but he doesn’t hear the words. They wash over him and he opens his eyes slowly to stare at the floor between his feet. Something about Katsura’s voice, but Kagura’s tone is washing it all away, reminiscent of someone else, someone whose habits she picks up all too easily these days, but no, he has to… Figure it out…

“Katsura-san,” Shinpachi says, “what don’t you want her to see?”

The two fall silent for a moment, and that’s answer enough for Shinpachi.

Kagura, apparently, still doesn’t get it. “Yeah, Zura, what don’t you want me to see! There’s nothing there, so just—” She cuts off suddenly, and then, quietly, “Shinpachi?”

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until then, and he’s been  _so_ good up till now, but suddenly he can’t stop it, and he’s shaking, sobbing, and he tries to hold it back but it’s not  _working_ , and—

“Shinpachi, what’s wrong?” Kagura asks, her voice going fearful again. “It’s just… he’s fine, right? Zura, he’s fine!” She’s going to cry again, Shinpachi can tell. “Zura, tell us he’s fine!”

“Shinpachi-kun, I think you should take Leader to your sister’s house.”

“Zura!” Kagura cries out. “What’s going on! Tell me the truth, let me see him!” Shinpachi hears her grunt, turns around just enough to see trying to force her way past Katsura into the room again, but Yato or not, the exhaustion is tugging at her, and Katsura is easily able to hold her back.

“Kagura-chan, stop that,” Shinpachi says quietly. She’s crying again, and eventually, she slumps against Katsura’s side, and gently, he lifts her into his arms and holds her.

Shinpachi feels… nothing. He doesn’t know what he feels. He’s always known this could happen, he supposes. They’ve thought it would before, they’ve seen it come very close… But now that it’s real, he doesn’t know what to do. He supposes he’s scared, and lonely, and a part of him is waiting for the shout telling him to go pick up Jump before it runs out, Gin-san can’t get it himself when he’s like this and if Shinpachi-kun wants Gin-san to be happy and get better soon he’ll go pick up Jump  _now_ , before Gin-san dies of boredom...

But it doesn’t come, and Shinpachi has to force himself to breathe.

“Shinpachi-kun,” Katsura says softly, and his hand falls on Shinpachi’s shoulder. “Would you like me to call your sister so she can come pick the two of you up?”

“N-no thank you, Katsura-san. I can take her back there myself.” His voice is shaky, but he forces himself through it. There’s a huge, gaping hole in the air, and someone has to fill it. Kagura’s too young and Katsura has his own responsibilities, so… So it’s Shinpachi’s job.

He forces himself to swallow, forces himself to stand, forces himself to grab a change of clothes for Kagura, forces himself to help coax Kagura out of the house, forces himself out the door.

“I’ll take care of everything here,” Katsura says quietly while Kagura stands off to the side, petting Sadaharu. She looks smaller than normal, Shinpachi thinks.

“I’ll call when it’s all done,” Katsura continues. “I won’t leave my name, but I’m sure you’ll know who it is.”

“Thank you, Katsura-san,” Shinpachi mumbles. “You… you don’t have to do any of this, but…”

Katsura’s voice is rough. “I knew him for a very long time, Shinpachi-kun.”

There is something in Katsura’s eyes, something Shinpachi really can’t place. “That still doesn’t mean you have to do any of it,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Katsura smiles. “Yes it does,” he answers, and closes the door.

Inside, Katsura waits until he hears their footsteps disappear, and then waits a few seconds longer. Then a few more. Finally, when he’s sure they aren’t coming back, he straightens, drops the act, and stomps back toward the bedroom.

He tries very hard not to slam the door off its tracks, but it’s difficult. Gintoki is sitting underneath the window, flipping through last week’s Jump, and it takes all of Katsura’s strength not to strangle him.

“Never make me do that ever again,” he snarls, “or else you really  _will_ be dead.”

“I’m sorry,” Gintoki says, and even if his tone isn’t quite right, it’s enough to make Katsura’s anger feel hollow.

“I’m assuming you do have a plan for how to proceed from here.” He keeps his voice level, puts his hands inside his sleeves so it’s harder to beat the daylight out of the other samurai.

“Mm,” Gintoki agrees. “You ready to raise some hell?”


End file.
